ex-lover!!

this entry is about my ex-lover....a story from few years ago....
nonton drama tv3 td...
terimbas kembali memori lame...
bile ada stu ayt ni terucap dr mulut si mak heroin...

"kite ni.....sbg seorg perempuan.....patut hidup ngan org yg cintai kite...n bukn org yg kite cintai sepenuh hati kite..pdhal..org tu....cintanye xsehebat cinta kite.."

n yesss!!!this situation used to happen to me once.....ak pernah reject cinta seorg lelaki slps 4 tahun kenali hati budinya...n alasan......ak bosan!!!

dye seorg lelaki baik.....cintai ak sepenuh hati nye...
tp mgkin cinta ak xsehebat cintanye terhadapku...
hingga ak sggup reject cinta dye...
n terus putuskn hubungan...
walau ak tau...
3 years from d incident....until now...
he is still waiting for me..
still!!!
camne ak tau?????
cuz my mom n dad keep talking bout him..
n his msg is in my mom's phone!!!
do u know wut i mean???
dye berhubung dgn parent ak..
to b exact!!!korek rhsia ak melalu mak ayh ak!!!!
camne ak bley se sure ni????
bile mak ak ckp.....
lelaki tu tgh tggu ak..
n mak ak sendiri pon da ad calon tuk bakal suami ak in case i dun have any......

tp hati ak ni..
rase cam xmampu lg nk terima dye..
ntahla...
mgkin...cinta ni bkn tuk dye...
definitely...
but how if....
ill nvr fall in love again?????
xkn ak nk men andartu smpai tua kot???
berjanggut???beruban gtu???
oh noooO!!!!!!
xsanggup!!!!!!
tp apakah mknenye ak harus trime org yg cintai ak ni????
sdgkn cinta yg ak cari pon xku jumpa.....

learning from mistakes...

terbace entry my bff td kn...
citer sal obat...bru ku igt..
ak pon ad knangan yg pahit ngan ubt ni........

its a long tyme ago..
mase zaman mude2 dulu..
hurmmmmm.....
that tyme...ak blh dikate kn sorang remaja yg liar...
tp xde la seliar RIMAU tu kn...hurmm..
zaman remaje dulu...ak pilih hip-hop punk sbg gaya hidup ak..
woohhoo!!
bergaul ngan mat rempit..
merempit sane cni..
tp xdew la melampau sgt..sbb ak ni jnis takot nek motor laju2 gk...huk3..
mati tu igt lagi tyme dirempit tu..
tp stil follow..hahahaha
ak byk kwn ngan dak laki..
n pompuan lak...hummphhh...ade jer..tp xseropa pompuan da..nk pgil hape pon haku xtaw..
tp xkesah la kn..
smpai la satu mase ni..
i bumped into a fight with one of ma fren..
yerla..darah tgh mude..
siram minyak cket jer..
panas r!!pe lg...!!

dush dush!!!

but then..

ak frust giler fight tu xsempat abes..

dileraikan oleh teman2 seperjuangan..

noticed:hobi ak tyme tu telan panadol release tensen....so stock panadol tu mmg berlambak2 r lam beg..

disebabkan bengang terlampau..

ak pjm motor pkwe kwn ak yg tgh berdating kt bwh umah ni...

p kedai..bli panadol lg 2 papan..coke 1 botol besar!!!

hape lg....p kt balkoni blkg umah..

tumbuk2 dinding cket kasi dramatis...berdarah jgk la tgn ni..kunun nk lepas geram..

pstu terus telan panadol ngan air coke!!

guess...how much did i take?

 

 

27 panadol with half of bottle coke...

 

 

pstu..terus ak p tido....kunun nk lyn kepale...

nk lari dr problem..

ak tido lam 3 jam jgk la..

tu pon ak terkejut sbb kwn ak kejutkan cuz da maghrib..

b4 diorg nk kjutkn ak tu..ak da terdengar diorg soseh2 kt dpn....suh kejutkn ak..tp xdew org nk p..sbb takot..

tp last2..ade la yg jnis ckp lembut2 dtg kt ak..kjutkn..

so ak buke la mate..

but then....ak terase cm melayang2...

di awang awangan..

perghhh!!!mcm da amek dadah rasenyer..

hoho!!!

 

SIYES!!!

mmg ak xley nk jln langsung..

xterase berpijak kt muke bumi pon..

diorg suh ak bgun p mandi..

tp bile ak nk trun katil tu..terus jatuh..cam kt dlm pic tu ha!!

pstu..muntah2....

then..diorg panic giler..kol mak ak..suh bwk p hospital..kt mak ak ckp..ak mabuk cket jer..slh telan ubt..ak ckp lam 3 biji jer..mkn ngan tembikai n coke..

tp kt dpn doc xkn nk tipu kn..kn doc bg obat len...terus arwah ak..xke naye!!!

bile mak ak dgr ak telan 27 biji tu...terbuntang biji mate dye!!
sorry mom!!!

pstu ak dimasukkn ke wad selame seminggu...seminggu jgk doc masuk air kt bdn ak..

n she said..i was so lucky..bcoz with d amount of pills taken...it could damage ma heart..

it could cause death to me!!

tp hati ak masih kuat..n xdew pew2..

thanks God for giving me one more chance to live..

pstu...sumer kwn2 ak dtg tgk ak..tiap2 ari..psti diorg silih berganti dtg lwt ak..

termasuk la mat2 rempit tu sumer..

ohhh...masih ade hati lg diorg ni wlaupon perangai cam setan..hoho!!

start dr ari tu..ak terus fobia ngan coke n panadol..

lebih setahun jgk la ak xsentuh bende alah tu sumer..

tp i hv learned from mistakes..

b4 incident..otak ak ni lembab bebenor nk blajor..

tp..pastu..

tetibe lak jd cerdik..

laju jer pikap lecturer ajar..

minat nk bljr tu membuak2..

until today..

ak da buktikan kt ramai manusia yg pndg rendah kt ak tyme ak jht dulu..

yg ak bley berjaye law ak nk.

seperti la ak sekrg..

n now..i am proud of my self..

what i hv done with my life..

what i hv achieved..

tragedi tu mengubah hidup ak..

 

 

so moral of story...

 

every things dat happens must b a reason....

merinduinya..........

Rindu.....
terlalu byk perkara yg ku kenangi...
terlalu byk perkara yg ku rindui...
dan semuanya xmampu ke capai dalam waktu terdekat ni...

truly....im missing my lil pinkybabie...
who??

tisya 'tia'

ni la ank sedare ak..mmg ak rindu sgt2 kt dye ni...almost every day..ill request a pic of her from my lovely sis in law..tp xsumer dpt....huk3...pe la...currently tefon dye kamera tu da rosak..so xley nk snap pic of this adorable n montel baby ni la....waaaa!!!siyes....nk jer ak terbang balek kampong curi budak ni....

what's up wif d 'tia'??ehehe..

tula pengganti 'mak cik' yg akn dye pgil ak nt bile da bley bersuare....

hehe...ape baran pgil mak cik...lex r...mude lg ni beb...

tia kn ad kelassss gtu....kekekeke....

tia tu actually ak dpt dr name ak..

aunty+adawiyah=tia...

hahahaha....cool x?

ngeh3....

adeq ak lg la senget....

 

adeq ak paling koya di dunia ni..

ni la one of my lil brother...xla lil sgt..da besar bapak budak da ni..tp bab koya pergghhh!!!dye la yg paling laju....<kamus hari ni...koya=control macho>

tetibe masuk part adeq ak yg xdew kene mengena ni kn...

alkisahnye....dye ni suh tisya panggil dye uncle roy!!!!

korunk rase sesuaii x???hesshhhh.....xdew kene mengena...n jauh plak tu dr name dye...hahaha

tp tu la adeq ak yg senget giler ni....

smpai skrg...asyik bahasakn diri dye ni uncle roy dpn tisya....

da lekat la tu kot namenyer...hoho.....redha jer la yer...

n d other person dat im missing most...

 

best friend eva

just so she know....im truly missing her...deep inside my heart...ak ad jnji ngan dye..nk balek kampong..hang out together as usual....spend tyme....but....mase xmengizinkan....siyes...ak tol2 rindu kt dye ni...yeah..myb she thinks dat i hv changed...yeah dear..people changes....same goes to me....but still..u r special n my bff....changes in ma lyfe...ma journey...wont change anything between us....just so u know....

kt cni...i wanna apologize to her.....cuz cant make ma words....

mmg ak sebenarnye nk balek sgt2 minggu ni..

tp taw2 la kn...study week plak ni...cuti pon paling2 seminggu jer..

n i was thinking going home for 4-5 days....

so i can make up ma words to my bff..meet my lil pinkybarbie..

but then..when i call my mom...

she said...actually its a word of my dad....

---xpyh balek la law setakat 2-3 hari tu...xpuas tgk..xsempat jumpa pon---

tu la...ayt yg paling mengecewakan ak..

actually..my dad dissapointed me very much..every tyme im going home...

even duk jauh cmni pon..still ad perkara yg dye wt ak kecik ati..

yesss....it is not right for me to feel this kind of feeling..

but this is me...very sensitive person...

even d small2 thing pon bley wt ak terase...

pe lg ngan family sendiri..

so this is explaining y im not going home very much..n even ak balek skali pon..wont stay long..

if i stay home more than 3 days...

mmg sure..akn ade perkara yg menyedihkan+mengecil kn ati ak..

that is y....long tyme ago...i hv decided in my mind..ill juzt go back once im able to stand on my own feet...

that tyme....he wont say anything...

n myb....true these unspoken words.....i hope my bff understand..d other side of me...n y im not really going home....tp law dye dtg cni..of coz....ill try my best to spend tyme wif her...ill put aside d other important things n she is d most important to me that tyme.....

final year,,final sem,,final class!!

ohhh!!sungguh sedih....bile tgk pic2 ni......ni adalah hari2 terakhir kami di kelas....dlm wktu2 sedih ni...sempat lagi kami possing maut wif lecturer2 yg havoc n sporting giler ni....huk3...

actually....sayu hati nk tinggalkan diorg ni...2 tahun study same2..mengadap muke same2..smpai naik hampeh da tgk muke sorang2...tp tyme nk berpisah ni....terasa sayu sgt hati ni..huk3..

ada jugk terpikir nk bg souvenir buat2 knangan..tp hampeh.......angan2 jer tu...wahaahhaha...

tp xpela....pasni..ad final exam lg...masih lg ni bley tgk muke2 xley blah ni sumer.....then...sayonara la...huk3..

HM2216E1....im gonna miss u all...:((

first word!!

hello!!!now i hv created my own blog...yezza!hope this one can rock ma days and make me feels better when sumthing hold inside is unspoken..so i juzt can write it down here....wee!!!